A DEATH UNPREPARED

After Christopher Hitchens’ death, the bastion of thoughtful journalism that is the 700 Club aired a very classy piece announcing the news of his passing in which they could hardly contain their glee and simultaneously expressed great concern over the fate of Hitchens’ soul. As part of the segment, Douglas Wilson, a pastor who Hitchens frequently demolished in religious debates, stated that his initial reaction to Hitchens’ death was “one of sadness [at] seeing someone go to meet their maker … unprepared to do so.” 700 Club host and deep-thinker, Lee Webb, who once moderated a debate between the two men, said what stuck out from their meeting was “what a man of joy” Wilson appeared to be when compared with the “cranky, impatient, and sad human being” that was Christopher Hitchens. In defense of Hitchens, I’d be cranky too if I had to spend my day at the CBN studios with dishonest individuals incapable of basic logic and reason. Webb then eagerly agreed with Wilson that indeed it “was sad to see [Hitchens] go … unprepared.” The thoughtful host to Webb’s left then added, “let’s hope that in his last minutes… you never know,” implying that all Hitchens had to do was say ‘sorry’ to Jesus with his very last breath to escape the doom of hellfire. There are a lot of really, really stupid concepts within Christianity, but the idea that one can accept Christ at the last moment of their life and be forgiven for a lifetime of sin has to be one of the dumbest.

Imagine the shallowness of a deity that would forgive one’s lifetime of disobedience and blasphemy simply by their asking for forgiveness in their final moments. If that’s the case, why would any Christian spend a lifetime kissing God’s ass when a simple confession at the end means a punched ticket to eternal bliss? If there was a God, I would sincerely hope that he could not possibly be so utterly stupid and capricious. Like Hitchens said himself, a truly honest God would at the very least respect those who simply could not bring themselves to believe in the nonsense of religion over the hypocrites who posture as believers for a divine reward like undisciplined dogs behaving for a Milkbone.

Faced with the prospect of an imminent death, some atheists may indeed cower in their final moments and ask for God’s forgiveness simply out of fear. However, crying out to God out of nothing more than fear of death is not sincere belief, and the suggestion by some Christians that doing so is enough to earn eternal salvation is insulting to the intelligence of non-believers and honest Christians alike. In the above video, the 700 Club makes the completely fabricated accusation that Hitchens “did appear to be unsettled in his position [as an atheist].” This flat-out lie is conjured out of Douglas Wilson’s statement that he believed “there was a tender spot in [Hitchens'] heart toward those who really do believe [in God].” Hitchens was a friend to many people, and that obviously included some believers with whom he vehemently disagreed. This is because Hitchens at least respected people like Wilson who honestly believed in the religions they were peddling unlike the complete phonies at the 700 Club begging for a Milkbone in the form of tithing from viewers who can least afford it. However, the suggestion that a man of certainty such as Hitchens was unsure of his beliefs because he respected the sincerity of others is the very definition of bearing false witness, and I hope Lee Webb asks for forgiveness for breaking one of God’s most important commandments before he meets his maker.

SO LONG, HITCH

I haven’t really had an opportunity to post much here over the past soul-crushing work-week, but I’m going to get back on the cheapthinker ball here shortly. I certainly don’t want to disappoint all three of my avid readers. Unfortunately, over the course of the fruitless blogging week, my favorite writer and hero alcoholic, Christopher Hitchens, passed away after battling cancer of the esophagus. I’ve known Hitchens was sick since his rather bleak diagnosis about a year and a half ago, and, judging from his very recent public appearances, I knew the deadly disease and the agonizing radiation treatments were both beginning to take a large toll on him physically. However, despite his gaunt appearance and frail voice, I never really believed he would succumb to his illness.

There was part of me that thought the larger than life Christopher Hitchens was simply too strong to allow a small group of malignant cells silence him. I just knew he would somehow pull through and regrow his shaggy hair and scruffy beard, and promptly return to trashing religious morons and moral hypocrites all while gargling enough Johnnie Walker Black to stun a mule. Unfortunately, that was not to be, and Hitchens died on December 15th in a hospital in Houston. It’s still very strange to talk about him in the past tense; one can easily go watch his many great debates and speeches on youtube and see him full of life and vigor and mowing down idiots with venomous glee. That’s how I will always remember him.

Hitchens has been on my radar screen ever since I discovered him as a frequent guest on Bill Maher’s show some years ago, and certainly long before I came to know him as an outspoken atheist. His knowledge of politics, literature, and culture was fearsome and unmatched, and his erudition was always delivered with a keen sense of irony and English charm. However, it wasn’t until he published God Is Not Great that I really took notice of the man’s prolific output and brilliant prose. He’s been my hero ever since.

Hitchens’ arguments against religion and the existence of a God were virtually airtight. In the many debates I’ve watched, I never saw a single opponent raise even a modest challenge that Hitchens could not easily turn against them in spectacular and embarrassing fashion. Hitchens claimed not to be an atheist, but rather an anti-theist. He said not only did he not believe religion to be true, but that he was glad it wasn’t true. The major monotheistic religions seemed to Hitchens to be nothing more than celestial dictatorships from which there was no escape, and Hitchens was an arch enemy of all forms of totalitarianism and bullying everywhere. I will always be grateful to Hitchens for helping to fuel my interest in what has subsequently become my favorite topic of discussion and study, and for giving me the courage to come out swinging against adults that still believe in bronze age superstitions. Seriously, as Hitch would say, grow the fuck up.

I’m going to post some of my favorite Hitchens moments over the course of the next few weeks. It’s truly a shame that there is now only a finite amount of them to be shared. If you’ve never read any of Hitchens work, do yourself a favor and remedy that quickly, and, while you’re at it, pour yourself a Johnnie Walker Black cut with Perrier. It will cure what ails you. Godspeed, Hitch. You will be sorely missed.