Christians love nothing more than grandstanding on their phony, righteous outrage, and saying “happy zombie day” to these dolts on Easter is a sure fire way to give them the false indignation they so crave. However, I’m not exactly sure why that statement is so offensive to bible-thumpers. A zombie is defined as a being who has been reanimated by a supernatural power, and, correct me if I am wrong, Jesus was resurrected from the dead on Easter Sunday by the all-powerful, all-knowing creator of the universe. So why are Christians so offended by the insinuation that Jesus was a zombie? Is it the general association that zombies have with mindless cannibals? Perhaps Christians should reconsider their stance on the issue while they are consuming human blood and flesh at this morning’s Easter Sunday mass. You can’t make this shit up. On a side note, it cannot be a coincidence that the season finale of The Walking Dead falls on Easter Sunday. Now you’ll have to excuse me for the day; I’m gonna go look for Easter Eggs at the bottom of a bottle of Tito’s.

If you aren’t familiar with the Ron & Fez show on Sirius XM, then that is something you need to remedy quickly. I do not hesitate for one second to label Ron Bennington the greatest radio personality in the country. The guy is hilarious, brilliant, and ten times the interviewer of a James Lipton or Larry King. Anyway, listen to Ronny B’s thoughts on organized religion above, and then do yourself a favor and check out his afternoon radio show and website.

We all know the religious are stupid, but a lot of them are liars, too. Instead of offering any evidence that a God exists, they try to poke tiny holes in the mountain of evidence that proves evolution is the mechanism by which life came to be on this planet, and they do this by attempting to exploit gaps in the existing fossil record. The fossil record that evidences evolution is by no means complete, and it is very likely that it will never be complete because many species that existed in the past were simply not preserved or their fossils have weathered away. However, there are still many transitional and intermediate fossils known to exist, and from the fossil record that has already been discovered, there is no doubt that evolution is the truth. But, never discouraged by facts, religious dumbshits take the enormous and utterly ridiculous leap in logic that the gaps that exist in evolution somehow mean the bible is true.

In the above video, Kirk Cameron suggests that because a half-crocodile, half-duck fossil has never been found, that the theory of evolution is a fabrication. Not only is this proposition unimaginably and fantastically stupid, it’s also completely disingenuous on Cameron’s part. While he is a complete fucking moron, Kirk likely has enough brains to realize what he is claiming is absurd and not at all how scientists suggest the evolutionary process works. The notion that at an ape one day gave birth to a human is made by those who are either too impossibly stupid to live or by someone that is lying to advance their bullshit message. Cameron is clearly doing the latter. He knows what he’s saying is an absolute falsehood, but that certainly does not stop him from confidently uttering such idiotic nonsense to convince the Fox News audience that Jesus Christ is Lord. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t a bearing false witness a sin against God?

Thus, Kirk’s belief in God has made him a willfully ignorant, lying hypocrite. Gosh, the religious are right, faith is a virtue.

Watch the pandemic known as monotheistic religion spread across the globe.

The Texas Rangers’ star outfielder and recovering junkie, Josh Hamilton, relapsed earlier this week by hitting the bottle, and today he issued an apology to his family, his team, and his fans. As if on cue from the post I wrote this morning, Hamilton stated:

“After this happens and praying about it, I cannot take a break from my recovery. My recovery is Christ. My recovery is an everyday process, because when I take that one day off, it leaves me open for that moment of weakness and it’s always been that way.”

Personally, I don’t think Hamilton owes an apology to anyone. A grown man can have a few drinks as long as he doesn’t hurt anyone, and Hamilton stated that the several drinks he consumed did not result in him snorting angel-dust in an alley and killing strippers. No harm, no foul. However, if Hamilton feels he let some people down then it’s his prerogative to say he’s sorry, and I can’t fault him for that. I just find it bizarre that a star athlete with a very successful career and a jam packed bank account still needs the artificial crutch of religion to escape his addiction. If his life doesn’t provide for a satisfactory reality then I’m not sure what hope there is for the rest of us regular folks.

You gotta love Fox News. No recitation of the channel’s blatant political agenda is really necessary, but to quote Jon Stewart, Fox News is a “cyclonic perpetual emotional machine that is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” Basically, the network exists to convince small-minded, bible thumping rednecks that voting for plutocrats is in their best economic interest. This effort entails nonstop manufactured outrage over intentionally misperceived “attacks” on Christianity. Amazingly, convincing members of the world’s largest and most prevalent religion that they are a persecuted minority has been a relatively easy task.

In the video above, hot-air machine Stuart Varney invites the president of American Atheists, Dave Silverman, onto his program to be publicly scolded for having the audacity to think for himself. I recently blogged about how the religious put their idiotic beliefs on a pedestal safely out of reach of criticism, and this video is a textbook example of that cowardice. The minute Silverman tries to rationally and accurately explain that prayer is futile in the face of an oncoming hurricane, the panel pandering to religious dunderheads jumps all over him for mocking and insulting their moronic beliefs with childlike fits of false indignation all while thoroughly bashing atheists and those with critical thinking skills. Have you ever seen Idiocracy? It’s happening right before our eyes.

A woman in Saudi Arabia is executed for practicing sorcery and witchcraft. Apparently the Christians are right; that Harry Potter is a menace.